Mommy Pissing Contest

Seriously, what's with Mommies Groups and the pissing contests? I've had to leave my September Mommies Group because the women there are such hags. I'd always heard mommies could be vicious but this is just insane. What is it about motherhood that some women feel gives them the right to criticize and preen? How nuts are these women? Let's see...

For starters, I admitted to eating summer sausage straight from the fridge when I was about, oh, eleven weeks pregnant. I thought these women were going to blow their pupils. Apparently, I'm a horrendously bad mommy-to-be because I've exposed Zaphod to listeria and nitrates. Oh, noes! Seriously, I'm not going to avoid hot dogs, sausage, deli meat and pepperoni just because there's the teeniest, tiniest chance I might eat something festering with listeria. I probably shouldn't tell them about the tuna sandwiches, Diet Dr. Peppers and occasional Pepsis I have. My OB and midwife gave me the guidelines of the absolute no-nos but their practice is really big on all things in moderation.

Secondly, I'm losing weight. I'm not doing it on purpose! Yes, I'm working out regularly but not nearly as hard as I was before I became pregnant. I watch what I eat and strive for balance. I'm not, you know, starving myself or anything. These women, however, think I'm obsessed with my weight or something. Am I concerned about my weight gain during the pregnancy? Uh, yeah. I know the statistics of overweight women and complications from gestational diabetes and high blood pressure and c-sections. But there's a huge difference in being obsessed and being smart about the foods I put in my mouth.

Third, cloth diapering. Yeah, we're going to cloth diaper. What's it to you? Apparently, it's everyone's business that Dave and I have chosen the cloth diapering route. If I hear one more person tell me we won't stick with it because it's so hard and they're so dirty and it's so much work, I swear to god I'm going to pull out the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique. How can someone who has never used a cloth diaper know anything about cloth diapering? I mean, seriously, folks. We're not stupid. We've been researching cloth diapering since we started this trying to make a baby business. I know dozens of women who use cloth diapering and have taken the time to give me all their tips and tricks. I'm not going into this all naive and granola or something.

Same goes for breastfeeding. Yeah, I'm going to try my damndest to breastfeed. I'm already signed up for La Leche League classes and have a lactaction consultant/midwife at my OB's practice and a list of LLL members who will make home calls for women trying to establish breastfeeding 24/7. Again, I'm not naive. I know fully well the first 3-4 weeks of breastfeeding are terrible, but I'm putting together a support system to enable me to focus on getting Zaphod hooked on the booby. Now, obviously, if I can't make enough milk (PCOS is notorious for causing low or no milk supply) then I'll happily move to formula and that's that. But I'm going to give breastfeeding my all before I throw in the towel.

Finally, I'm really sick and tired of being criticized for my desire for the most natural birth I can get. You know, I'm not ignorant of what's involved in the birthing process. I'm fully aware it's going to hurt like a motherfucker, but you know what, I'm preparing for that reality now. Look, I've got nothing against women who choose to utilize pain relief in labor. Good for you! We all have to make the choices that are right for our unique situation. But quit giving me that patronizing smile or laughing at me just because I want something different.

I'm in the childbirth-isn't-an-illness camp and will refuse most intervention during labor. The research is painfully clear that every intervention (epidural, breaking of waters, pitocin augmentation, internal fetal monitoring) increases the risk of c-section. Dave is completely supportive of my no-intervention choice as is Dr. A. She's in the no c-section unless it's an emergency camp. The only non-emergency c-sections she does are those for women who choose not to try a VBAC and want a second or third c-section. All of the other docs in the practice are very laid back and encourage vaginal births because they have the best outcomes for mommy and baby.

Even though I want a natural birth, I'm already making backup c-section plans. Why? Because I know shit can go wrong. There's no guarantee I won't develop pre-eclampsia or gestational diabetes or worse. Also my placenta may not move. If it doesn't, I'll likely have to have a c-section to avoid placental abruption. Yeah, I'd really like to not bleed to death if my placenta rips free from my uterus during a hard contraction. But I'm funny like that...

So yes we've talked about the realities of a c-section and made some tentative plans. I think it's totally healthy to envision my birth going both ways. I'm not inflexible when it comes to my birthing plan. I understand that sometimes things happen and plans change and that's okay.

Meh, I just wish all mommies could get along. I sometimes feel like so many of these women lash out at those of us not towing the traditional line because they have insecurities of their own. As for me, I've got bigger things to worry about than whether or not the mommy sitting next to me has her kid in Huggies or FuzziBunz.