Saturday, February 28, 2009


So most people know Dave and I are cheapo tightwads. Seriously. We're bad. Okay, we're not eyebrow raising bad. I mean, we don't reuse our paper towels or plastic baggies--yet. Dave did jokingly say he'd recycle toilet paper if he could. Then again, he might not have been jokin, considering what he did the other day...

We were loading up some bags from Wal-Mart when Dave spotted something in the distance. His eyes lit up like Christmas.

Dave: Hey, someone dropped a case of bottled water!
Me: And?
Dave: I'm going to get it!

And he freakin' did! LOL. I nearly died from laughter. He tossed the free water into the truck, and we took off. I was, like, ohmigod, you're such a cheapskate. We laughingly joked about making a weekly Wal Mart parking lot roundup drive. Who knows? We might be able to cut even more off our grocery bill!

Since I've become a coupon fanatic, I'm regularly saving $50-100 dollars per grocery trip with double/tripled coupons coupled with store coupons or sales. We hit up the farmer's market for unbelievably delicious and high quality produce at jaw dropping low prices.

We keep our thermostats high in the summer and low in the winter and use windows whenever possible. We have those curlicue light bulbs and unplug everything when it's not in use. It saves so much money. Our electricity bill last month was $32 bucks. I know! Our gas bill was only like $90, but I'm desperate to find ways to get it lower too. The water bill seems to be as low as it's going to go and it really irks me, lol.

We joined Freecycle and keep an eye out for useful postings. We're about to unload a garage full of crap we no longer needed. We'll be sorting out our Goodwill and Freecycle piles soon so if anyone out there needs some starter furniture or kitchen supplies let me know.

By the time Zaphod makes his/her appearance, we'll be almost completely out of debt. We were shocked when we realized how close we are to zero debt. Even though we really need a new vehicle, we're waiting until we have enough in savings to pay for most or all of the purchase. With the new baby coming, we'll have to put off the purchase for another six months or so than expected but whatever. That's life, you know?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Weighty Subject

So now that my eggo is preggo I've sort of put the weight loss on hold. Between April and November of last year, I dropped 46 pounds. I gained five or six pounds in December mainly because I stopped running 4 times a week and started munching on all the holiday yummies. Luckily, I've dropped six pounds in my first trimester so I'm right back where I started as far as total weight loss goes.

Because I'm still chubtastic, I'm trying to keep the weight gain during this pregnancy to an absolute minimum, maybe 15 pounds or so. I'm going to start running regularly tomorrow and try to get in some long, brisk walks on the days I'm not running. The plan is to stay at my current weight until 26-28 weeks before I start to gain. Obviously, I'm not being fanatical or anything. I'm just being really diligent with the foods I choose. I'm low-carbing for the most part and trying to double my veggie and dairy intake. I've never had a problem with getting in enough fruit or protein but I'm trying to choose better fruits, those low in simple sugars and high in fiber.

It won't be easy to stay on track, but I just can't be one of those pregnant women who gains thirty or forty plus pounds. That's fine if you're normal weight when you get pregnant, but if you're overweight it's a nightmare situation. I've got to worry about my heart murmur and mitral valve prolapse and my family history of Type II Diabetes. The last thing I need is gestational diabetes and high blood pressure, you know? Eff that.

So if that means I have to say no to most of my ice cream and carrot cake cravings, then so be it. I figure this is just the first of many sacrifices I'll have to make as a mom. Might as well get started early, eh?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Jazz Hands

So we had the ultrasound yesterday and, uh, yeah I'm farther along than we thought. I'm 11 weeks and 2 days today. I was expecting one of those bizarre looking tadpole fetuses with the beluga whale head on the ultrasound screen but, no, it was a perfectly formed baby with a super strong heartbeat. The midwife doing our ultrasound exclaimed, "Holy buckets! That's not 9 weeks!" The new due date is September 7.

Also, I was shocked to see Zaphod moving around in there. (S)he kept doing jazz hands and little foot kicks. Dave is convinced it's show tunes central in my uterus right now. It wouldn't surprise me. I was a super bizarre kiddo so I would expect nothing less than Chicago or Cabaret renditions at 11 weeks. I'm expecting Sweeney Todd around the third trimester.

It's hard to explain but it feels so real now. Before it was sort of, I don't know, theoretical or something. And now that I've seen Zaphod's little baby face and heartbeat and watched him/her move it's just different. It's sort of surreal for me. I'd resigned myself to never being a biological mom and now I'm getting that chance. It's simply breathtaking.

I'll post some ultrasound pics once we get them scanned. Now, though, I've got to get back to work. I owe a certain police officer an edited grant application and proposal package. No naughty writing 'til I get that finished. Meh.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Experimental: An Anthology of Sex & Science

So my short story, Invisible Touch, was chosen for a sex and science themed anthology edited by Jamaica Layne for Ravenous Romance. Experimental released today at Ravenous Romance as an e-book anthology. 15 naughty tales for $4.99. Quite a bargain...


These fifteen stories will forever change your opinion of science. Science isn't just for boring nerds in a lab----it's for red-hot sexpots, too! This anthology includes stories from today's hottest erotic fiction authors, including Anna Black, Janine Ashbless, Lolita Lopez, C. Margery Kempe, L.A. Mistral, as well as many new voices. From virtual reality sex to robot sex to sex in the laboratory, this collection is sure to scorch better than any Bunsen burner ever could.

To read an excerpt or purchase...

Sunday, February 15, 2009

How Does My Garden Grow

First off, huge-o thanks to everyone for all the well-wishes and congrats. We have our first u/s on Tuesday so we'll have a better idea of due date and all that other fun stuff then. I'll be sure to keep everyone updated.

So as the reality of the pregnancy sets in, Dave and I are making changes to our plans for the remainder of the year. No new living and dining room furniture but we'll definitely do the painting and buy the freezer. I won't go back to school in the fall to finish my bachelor's because I'll likely deliver in mid-September. I'll have to bump those plans back to spring of 2010 but might look into some online courses through our local community college just to get back into the swing of things. There are other small changes such as vacation and travel and writer's conferences I won't be able to attend. I'm trying to write my ass off to get as many projects completed and out on submission as possible because--let's face it--there won't be any writing time once Zaphod debuts. But, seriously, it's worth it. I'm willing to make sacrifices.

That brings me to my gardening plans. I've got the spot picked out, and Dave's ready to build my boxes but I'm sort of waffling now. Will I have enough time and energy to devote to a fledgling garden? What about the maintenance and harvesting? Will I be able to crawl around and reach across the beds? What about the summer heat? Will I have time to learn how to can?* What about fertilizer exposure?

I really want the garden and I've been so excited to start gardening--but I'm still little hesitant to move forward. On the other hand, gardening and tending plants has always been a huge stress reliever for me. I love planting seeds and watching them sprout. Plus, eating homegrown produce is lovely.

I guess I have a few weeks to make up my mind. Well, not really. My planting calendar shows tasks for late February. Aw, hell, I think I'll just do it. I might just scale back a bit. That seems like a good compromise, right?

*Do any of my faithful readers know how to can? I haven't the slightest idea where to begin...

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Knocked Up

In the words of the ever-so-sarcastic and oh-so-witty Juno, I am for shizz up the spout. I know. Shocking. Seriously. On Saturday and Sunday, we filled out adoption paperwork, and on Monday morning, we found out I'm pregnant. I had an upcoming doctor's visit, and I hate when they ask you if you're pregnant when you're like, um, if I could get pregnant I wouldn't being subjecting myself to this fresh hell.

Anywho. So Dave was in the shower getting ready to work, and I had to pee so I thought I'd douse another stick just for giggles. Within seconds, a bright blue positive popped up in the window. In the last few months, I've peed on probably $500 worth of these damn sticks and had never seen that symbol. What did it mean? I kept comparing the stick to the box and the insert.

Me: I'm pregnant!
Dave (ripped back the curtain, spraying water and slinging shaving cream everywhere): What?!
Me sobbing: I'm fucking pregnant!
Dave: Lemme see. (compares box and stick) Holy. Shit.

Much disbelief and crying ensued. And, yeah, that was totally not how I envisioned the whole "We're Having a Baby!" going. I'll have to cute it up a bit for the scrapbook...

So I spent the rest of that morning looking at the calendar and conferencing with Holly, my doc's nurse. My cycles are seriously whacked without meds so there's some question as to how far along I am but our best guess based on symptoms is 9 weeks. I know! I feel so lame. I've been preggo since, like, New Year's and didn't know.

We actually had an appointment scheduled next week to discuss the next fertility medications we'd like to try. Now, I'm heading in on Tuesday morning for an ultrasound to see if my spotting dates (likely implantation) jibes with the baby's growth. If I am 9 weeks, I have had a seriously easy first trimester. I experienced bouts of nausea through most of January but chalked it up to stress, crazy hormones, and a possible tummy bug or the flu. My boobs are super sore but that's not unusal when you've got a body like mine reacting to the lack of meds. I've been exhausted too.

Most women with PCOS require progestrone supplementation to support a pregnancy, but apparently that wasn't the case with me. Hell, I've done just about everything wrong over the last few weeks. I fell down the stairs, moved furniture, cleaned carpets, inhaled a lungful of oven cleaner, skipped a few days of vitamins, had wild monkey sex, wrestled with the dog, ate tuna three times in one week, drank my weight in caffeine, and stood directly in front of our old ass microwave. Seriously, the only thing I haven't done is snort an eight ball or pickle myself in bum wine. Can you say miracle baby? (Really. I mean, the odds of someone with my crapped out ovaries having a 100% au naturel baby are one in prolly millions.)

So that's where we are right now. We're still planning to adopt but we'll likely put it off until Zaphod Beeblebrox* (that's what we're calling the fetus for now) is two or so. We'll definitely be doing a foster-to-adopt or straight adoption from DFPS since we're open to a toddler now. There are tons of cute munchkins who need good homes. I wanted to do this baby thing at least once which is why we were willing to throw down 30K for an infant adoption but circumstances have changed for the better.

I'll likely update on Zaphod every now and then on the blog but I'll try to refrain from making this one of those sappy ass baby journals, lol.

*It was Zaphod or Humma Kavula. Dave voted for Humma, I vetoed and won. I still reserve the right to refer to said fetus as Humma Kavula if it, say, kicks me in the spleen.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

99 Luftballons

So I've been on an 80's music kick lately. My shuffled iTunes kicked up 99 Luftballons earlier today, and I started singing along. Yeah. Apparently Bosley is deeply offended by German. He particularly doesn't enjoy the words "angemacht" or "Streichholz" or "Benzinkanister" or "soweit." So, of course, I've been speaking German to him all day, making sure to harshly annunciate. What can I say? I'm easily amused.

Bosley's weird like that. Harshly pronounced words piss him off to no end. One time, Dave and I were discussing crazy white power folks and one of us said KKK. Bosley lost his friggin' mind. He jumped up off the couch, barked, growled, snarled and tried to knock over furniture as he ran to the window. The really odd thing is he'll bark at our neighbor's house when we say KKK. Our neighbor with a distinctly, uh, white power look. Maybe he knows something we don't?

Anywho. I'm off to amuse myself further by serenading Bosley with the score of The Jungle Book--in German! Probiers mal mit Gemutlichkeit....

Monday, February 02, 2009

Teleflora: Epic Effing Fail

FUCK YOU! You sorry ass bunch of misogynist assholes....

And, for the record, this commercial is offensive on so many fucking levels. Not only do they insult romance readers and cat owners but "ugly" women too. What. The. Fuck. This was not funny or witty. It was flat out obnoxious and insulting. And stupid. Do men in advertising not realize how huge a market force romance readers are? Harlequin sold over 130 MILLION novels last year, folks. Romance is the largest and most profitable genre in publishing. So eat that, you lousy advertising jerkoffs.

Luckily, my man doesn't rely on a service to arrange and deliver my flowers. Once or twice a month, he visits the flower market, chooses the prettiest flowers and arranges them while I sleep. Coming downstairs to find a vase of gorgeous flowers on my desk is one of my favorite things in the whole world. (Yeah. That's right. Dave's a romantic sap. So what? He knows the combination to my lock.)

So lovers of the world take note: Buy and arrange yourself. Or go with ProFlowers. I hear they give out free vases.

And, Teleflora, go fuck yourselves.