Huh?

Have you ever been skimming an article and a quote jumps out at you that's so OMGWTFBBQ you have to reread it again and again just to wrap your mind around it? Happened to me the other day, and I've yet to shake the quote from my thoughts. Behold the quote in all it's OMGWTFBBQ glory.

"I know people who have spent so much on pageants they lost their trailers."

Yeah. Process that for a second. If that quote doesn't encapsulate the what-the-fuckedness of little girl beauty pageants, I don't know what else possibly could.

Dave and I have been discussing the absolute hell-no's on our list of acceptable/unacceptable future activities Zaphod might undertake. At the top of that list are those ridiculous pageants where they dress up little girls like drag queens and parade them out in front of a panel of (usually) fat old man judges. Who in their right mind thinks it's okay to spray tan their five year old daughter, stuff a pair of fake teeth into her mouth, force her into baby-sized Spanx, and shellack her face with enough makeup to make a prostitute blush? And don't even get me started on the little booty and booby shaking dance moves meant to--what?--entice those old farts sitting on the judging panel. What kind of men sign up to judge these travesties? I'll give you a hint. The word starts with a "p" and ends with "edophile."

I became a little curious as to how parents justify tarting up their preschool-aged daughters and set out to investigate. Most parents seem to think they're teaching their daughters to be self-confident and poised. Right. Explain to me again how showing an extremely impressionable young girl that she needs to preen and fawn and dress like a hooker for awards is teaching her self-confidence.

I found some truly shocking articles and research papers. I was really surprised to find most participants fall into one of two categories: low income and undereducated. I couldn't for the life of me figure out how people in lower income brackets can afford $2000 pageant dresses, fake tans, makeup jobs and such. Then I read that quote about people losing their trailers. I guess it's all about priorities. Nice to know it's more important to teach a little girl to value her looks over, you know, something like fiscal responsibility.

Ay yay yay! Moms! Quit living vicariously through your four-year-olds!