This Hairy Eyeball Is Reserved for BB&B

After filling out multiple forms and proving my identity, the apartment office staff finally gave me the UPS package that had been dropped off yesterday. This struck me as slightly odd. Seriously, folks, it was easier to get a marriage license than to pick up my package. And yes I get that the apartment complex has to protect itself from theft allegations, etc, but still.

You know, this calls to mind the hypocrisy and absolute futility of Homeland Security. A few weeks ago, a close friend of mine sent her passport out for a visa stamp prior her upcoming trip to Eurasia. She waited patiently for the return of her passport from FedEx, fully aware that she would have to sign for this security sensitive package. Like most people with an attached garage, she almost always uses the side entrance to her house so it was quite a disturbing surprise when she stepped out of her front door one afternoon only to find a soggy FedEx envelope on the doorstep. That's right. They left her passport on a doorstep. She's an upstanding citizen with few dissident beliefs, but can you imagine how easy it would be for someone with evil intentions to forge an application and/or steal a passport? Jeez!

So anywho. The apartment office girl goes into the back and brings out this massive battered box. When I say battered, I mean side caved in, top depressed, tape ripped and carboard slightly soggy. Wow! I'm glad it didn't contain, you know, something fragile or anything! So I trudge home, plop the box onto the couch, and rip into it with gleeful, Christmas morning delight--and guess what?

It's the wrong fucking gift! As in the bill of shipping doesn't match the item inside the box that is clearly maked with 2, TWO, independent inspections by BB&B shipping staff.

My cousin and her husband bought Dave and I a gorgeous set of dishes. I mean, super pretty. She was so excited about them--but what do I get? Well. Not dishes. Something really hideous that I won't describe b/c I really don't want to offend any readers who may have this specific item in their home.

So I call Bed, Bath & Beyond and the guy assures me that I did, in fact, receive a set of dishes. His computer screen tells him so. Hmmm. Curious, very curious. Perhaps my dishes are part of some first wave Earth invasion of tableware that are infected with nanobots that enable them to reorganize themselves into tacky, kitschy household items?

Needless to say he didn't quite appreciate my witty sense of humor but after ten minutes of back and forth banter, he explained that I could simply take the package back to my local BB&B for an expedited exchange. Gee! Thanks!

Anywho. BB&B is officially on my Hairy Eyeball short list now, right behind my archnemesis, Mr. UPS...