Relieved

So I had an appointment with Dr. A this morning. I've been freaking the fuck out over it. No, really. I just knew it was going to be bad news. I was so worked up that when they did my vital signs check my pulse was 102 and my BP was 147/69. Yeah. I seriously needed a chill pill. Dave was, like, "Lady! Calm down before you blow a pupil!"

We get into the exam room and, well, it went beautifully. Dr. A and her student, Sally, were so upbeat and enthusiastic. I guess a lot of patients don't actually lose the weight and follow all the rules because Sally seemed a bit surprised when I told her I'd dropped 43 pounds since April, was running regularly, and taking all my meds, vitamins, and supplements as instructed. Dr. A seemed a bit surprised too. Sad, really, that so many people don't just do what they're told.

Anyways. My blood sugar levels are really good. My cholesterol is 131. My bad cholesterol is super low but so is my good cholesterol. Unfortunately the good cholesterol will stay low because I don't make enough estrogen to have normal cholesterol levels.

So we had a nice long chat and mapped out a baby making plan. I was so relieved I almost burst into tears. Since leaving Dr. A's office I've alternated between sobbing and laughing. I'm a mess. But a good mess. I know there's a lot of uncertainty ahead of us but for the first time in a really long time I have an overwhelming sense of hope. And that's a good thing.