Shady, Shady

So Dave came home from a 36 hour shift yesterday evening (like sevenish) and we decided to run some errands. We get into the truck and the first thing I notice is that Dave smells really, really, really good. It doesn't help that he's in his uniform which automatically puts me in omg-I'm-going-to-ravish-you-right-now mode. For a split second I considered knocking back the driver's seat and hopping on for a ride--but then I remembered that we were in the driveway and I'm quite certain that public naughtiness is something our Home Owner's Association would frown upon which brings me to the point of the post: Does anyone else have a shadowy HOA?

Seriously, folks, I'm quite convinced that our HOA is a branch of The Illuminati. Yes that Illuminati. No one in the subdivision has a copy of the HOA policies. No one has ever spoken to or interacted with a member of the HOA. It's always, "Well, so and so down on the cul-de-sac said that so-and-so in the two-story on the corner said that the couple in the red brick ranch across from the swimming pool and park got a notice about their water hose coiled in the front yard."

Riiiggghhhhttt.

Our neighbor did receive a couple of HOA tickets in the mail because of his improperly mounted satellite dish (we can't get cable out here) and because he had this hideous Itasca Spectrum RV (circa 1970) parked in his driveway. That thing was an eyesore. Other than rust, the dominant paint color was baby poo yellow with splashes of UPS brown. Horrid. Horrid. Horrid. It squealed when he started it too. I'm not sure what the hell he was doing to it. Right before he moved it to his dad's carport (to avoid more tickets) it looked like a combination taco truck/ice cream truck.

The reason I know this is because he told Dave the whole sordid tale. He also told Dave that he's refusing to pay the $300 annual dues because he's never seen the printed policies. Since we're considering some landscaping, I started to worry. Five days of detective work led me to the website for our HOA and a list of the most vague policies you've ever read. In short just about any improvements to our home or lot could be interpreted to be in violation of the badly defined policies.

I know what you're thinking. Why didn't we ask for a copy of the HOA before closing? Funny thing. We closed on the house two days before the wedding. Yeah. We were simultaneously building a house and planning a wedding and coordinating a move. I was also hammering out my first publishing contract, weeding through copyedits, etc. It just slipped our minds. Stupid? Yeah. But there you have it.

To avoid any future problems, I'm just going to submit in writing my request for approval of proposed improvements. I figure that as long as I have a paper trail and a written/signed letter of approval from the HOA we're fairly safe. Hopefully. Maybe.

Oh, and just for the record, there was absolutely nothing about driveway nookie in the listed policies. Wheeee!!!! Yet another entry I get to add to my huge list of "Strangest Places!"